a creature in my bloodstream chews me up
by Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs
Summary: The letter from Robb sits on the kitchen table for three days before Catelyn feels strong enough to read it. Part of a Ned/Cat harry potter-esque au.


A/N: The first fic in a hp au i've created with a friend. Ned/Cat centric. Also operates under the assumption that Jon Snow is Lyanna's son by Rhaeger.

Disclaimer: I only own bits of the idea. GRRM owns the characters, JK Rowling owns the original hp idea.

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><p>The letter from Robb sits on the kitchen table for three days before Catelyn feels strong enough to read it. Her eldest son is off fighting a war she never wanted him to fight, and she hadn't even been able to say goodbye- he'd left in the middle of the night, leaving only a letter. Sansa and Arya and Bran were at Hogwarts, but daily Catelyn questioned just how safe they were, even at the old school. Ned believed they were, and she had to believe him- and she had to be strong for Rickon, still at home with her.<p>

Ned hadn't returned from work yet; he'd been working later and later as more and more Aegon Targaryen supporters were rounded up day by day. She could count the number of times on one hand that he'd spent the entire night in bed with her, and she missed him, though she'd never pull him away from his work. The world was in chaos, and Ned's quiet stability was the one thing she knew she could still count on.

Rickon is in bed, so Catelyn sits at the table and opens the letter, unfolding the thick sheets of paper with shaking hands. Tears fill her eyes before she even begins to read, simply at the sight of her firstborn son's handwriting. Taking a moment to compose herself, she wipes at her cheeks and begins to read, chest catching at the conviction in her sixteen year old son's words. So like Ned, she thinks with a mixture of fondness and dread. Her auburn-haired son may take after her in looks, but ever since he'd been small he'd wanted to be his father.

By the end of the letter, Catelyn is close to sobbing; Robb hadn't told them where he was going or where he intended to go, simply that he would write when he could. She had no idea where her eldest child was- she felt the loss of that knowledge, something she'd had since the moment he was born, like a gaping hole in her chest. She'd been a mother for sixteen years, had five healthy children, had dedicated herself from the moment Robb was born to making sure they were safe, and now she was failing.

She doesn't hear the front door open and jumps at the warm hands that encircle her wrists before recognizing Ned's touch and deep voice, permeating the sound of her own sobs in her ears as he pulls her into his chest. She goes willingly, sobbing into his chest as his fingers run gently through her long auburn curls, untangling the knots she'd created with her own fingers as she'd read.

"Cat," Ned murmurs softly, mouth near her ear as she begins to calm, hiccupping as she rubs at her eyes, cheeks wet with tears and eyes rimmed red. He doesn't say anything else; simply continues to say her name softly as he looks at her, gray eyes large and sad.

"He's gone and I don't know where he is," she whispered, voice breaking on the last word, tears forming in her eyes once more. "My only job is to protect our children and I can't even do that, Ned."

"Cat, we both knew the moment this war got serious that Robb wouldn't sit quietly at school and do nothing," Ned replied quietly, hands cupping her cheeks and thumbs brushing her tears away. "I seem to recall a certain redhead who was awfully similar in that regard in a very similar war."

A small smile graced Catelyn's face at that, ducking her head as she tucked hair behind her ear.

"You are a fantastic mother to all our children, my love," Ned continued, hand cupping her cheek and tilting her head up to look at him as he spoke. "Please never doubt that, and please never doubt that our children know that too. Robb wouldn't be the man he is today without you as a mother."

"He's still only a boy though Ned," Catelyn replied, tearful again. "I can't lose him. I fear I'll go mad if I do."

"He's more a man than I was at sixteen," Ned said quietly, fingers stroking the ends of Catelyn's long hair. "He had to grow up much faster than we did, I'm afraid, but it's because of your guidance as his mother than I do not fear as much as I would. Robb is a smart, powerful wizard- and he will find people who will look out for him. Lyanna has told me that Jon has also joined the rebel force- I believe they went together. They will look out for each other, my love."

"They're just boys Ned," Catelyn whispered again, fingers clutching at his collar as she started to cry again, burying her face in his shirt. Ned's arms wrapped around her securely, holding her tight against him as she cried herself out, until she was merely hiccupping and gasping for breath against his neck, cheeks wet against his skin.

"He'll come home, Cat," Ned murmured, voice low and gentle in her ear. "This war will be over and he'll come home and it'll be like he never left at all."

Cat took a deep breath, brushing away her tears and sitting up, running her own hand through her hair. "I just keep thinking about the first war. We lost so many friends Ned- and Brandon, and Lysa, and almost Robert. This is going to happen again. We're going to lose people we care about again."

"It's different this time. It has to be," Ned replied quietly, brushing his thumb along her jaw as he looked at her, sadness in his eyes. "We were kids the last time we fought him. We have more than just each other to fight for now; everyone in the Order does."

"Mommy?"

Catelyn's head shot up at Rickon's sleepy murmur from the doorway; their youngest son rubbed at his eyes, dark curls a mess as he clutched his stuffed wolf Shaggy to his chest as he yawned. When Catelyn opened her arms to him he came forward, settling in between his mother and father and tucking his head under Catelyn's chin, snuggling in close to her.

"I'm sorry darling, did we wake you?" she asked, running a hand through his too-long curls, looking at Ned worriedly. Rickon shook his head, blinking sleepily.

"Shaggy couldn't sleep. We wanted to see if Father was home," he answered, giving Ned a gap-toothed smile, though his eyes were already almost closed in sleep. Catelyn smiled into his hair, rubbing his back until he began to give soft little snores, signifying he'd finally drifted off completely.

"I'll carry him up- he must weigh nearly as much as you do now," Ned said softly, and Catelyn rolled her eyes, though she allowed him to shift Rickon into his arms and followed him upstairs, watching as he settled the little boy into his bed and brushed a hand through his hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead. His fingers curled around her wrist briefly as he left her to say goodnight, and she smiled softly at him as she watched him walk towards their bedroom.

She just stood and watched Rickon sleep for a few minutes; watched the way his chest rose and fell, the way his breath ruffled the hair on Shaggy. She'd done something similar with Robb, in those early days when they didn't yet know if the war was truly over or not. She'd been just as terrified watching her first son as she was looking at her last; the only difference was sixteen years and a few more lines on her face as she watched her son sleep.

Walking to his bed, she leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and breathing in his young boy smell before she flicked on his nightlight, leaving his door open a crack before heading to her bedroom, where she knew Ned was waiting.


End file.
